I am in my anxiety and I have this profound interpose on what I have implied on this word — December. Wait, why am I even talking about December? Why in the world am I even thinking about this? Forgive me citizens, for I am in the state of another mild schizophrenia episode for I have had a heart-tossing revelation.

Three years ago, I happened to play on repeat one of Taylor Swift’s record-breaking songs — “Back to December”. I was fond of the song for a matter of days for the mere verity that the words of the chorus were related to me somehow.

So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you, saying I’m sorry for that night. And I’ll go back to December all the time.

Just last year of December 2013, I was rather fond of a Korean song, 12월의 기적 or “Miracles in December” sung by EXO. The chorus was still related to me in one way or another.

늘 나밖에 몰랐었던 이기적인 내가
네 맘도 몰라줬던 무심한 내가
이렇게도 달라졌다는 게 나조차 믿기지 않아
네 사랑은 이렇게 계속 날 움직여

The selfish me who has only thought about myself
The me who didn’t know your feelings and ignored it
I couldn’t believe myself that I have changed this much
Your love can still move me like this

If you’d listen to both songs and take a closer look, you’d notice that both songs are in a similar story-line. In Taylor Swift’s “Back to December”, she talks of meeting the person she somehow refused to reciprocate her feelings to him who loved her for rather a long time. And the bottomline — she regretted so much. So it’s rather a chance of regret and a thought of not taking the opportunity.

On the other hand, EXO’s “Miracles in December” had the exact same story-line. You may not be Korean but if you’d translate the Korean lyrics of the song to a language you’d probably understand, it talks of an apostrophe to some girl whom the guy refused to reciprocate his feelings to her. And he regretted for being too darn selfish which is similar to Swift’s implication on one line that said, “You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye.” The bottomline — he regretted. He cannot turn back time and take the chance.

Now back to the question: Why am I even talking about December? Today marks the day of sudden epiphany after I heard these two songs again. I was born in the month of December. These two songs were my favorites. And (I can’t believe I’m saying this), I am somewhat the girl in Swift’s “Back to December” and the guy in EXO’s “Miracles in December”. Clear as ice, I am not a cold person.

But then, I am not the kind to be regretting too much about a certain person who is rather fond of me and me not reciprocating his feelings. Poor kid’s unrequited love. I won’t regret though. I have a life to pursue. And I still can’t fathom what people call “young love”.

P.S. What if both made a conspiracy to threaten me. No. Why do I even like these songs? A fool I shall remain then.

P.P.S. This post would break the record for being the GAYEST in my entire blog.

P.P.P.S. These are the lyrics to both songs

“Back To December”

I’m so glad you made time to see me.
How’s life? Tell me how’s your family?
I haven’t seen them in a while.
You’ve been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night,”
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you.
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine.
I’d go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.These days I haven’t been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin’.
When your birthday passed and I didn’t call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was “Goodbye”.

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night.”
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you,
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine.
I’d go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I’d love you right.

I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, “I’m sorry for that night.”
And I go back to December…
It turns out freedom ain’t nothing but missing you,
Wishing I’d realized what I had when you were mine.
I’d go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I’d go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.
All the time.

“12월의 기적 (Miracles in December)”

I’m struggling to find you who I cannot see
I’m struggling to find you who I cannot hear
I see things that I couldn’t see before
I hear things that I couldn’t hear before
After you left me, I have grown a power that I didn’t have before

The selfish me who has only thought about myself
The me who didn’t know your feelings and ignored it
I couldn’t believe myself that I have changed this much
Your love can still move me like this

If I just think of you, I can fill this world with you
Because each snowdrop is one tear drop that belongs to you
But theres just one thing that I can’t do and it’s to make you come to me
I hope I don’t have this miserable power

The selfish me who has only thought about myself
The me who didn’t know your feelings and ignored it
I couldn’t believe myself that I have changed this much
Your love can still move me like this

Stopping the time, (I) go back to you
I open this book of memories and I open up your page
And in the book I’m in there, in there with you

The small and weak person, because of your love
Just like this for everything (my whole existence)
I changed the whole world

The me who didn’t know how to be thankful for love
The me who thought that the end was the end
To the image of you who wanted me to be, I fixed myself everyday
I think my love will continue on forever

Stopping the time, (I) go back to you
I open this book of memories and I open up your page
And in the book I’m in there, in there with you
The things that I met that winter

I’m struggling to find you who I cannot see
I’m struggling to find you who I cannot hear

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