It was an intermittent morning with a feel of pressure going on either side. I was just on my way to school wondering what challenges and circumstances might be foreshadowing ahead. I looked around. Students trying to aboard a ride to the school grounds, professionals walking on both sidewalks, pedestrians here and there. And there I thought. Another day. A mundane expression of everyday living.
Dressed in my uniform and a body bag with a big textbook, I don’t know where my footprints are led. People around me seem to be focused on what they’re on right now (probably fighting for a promotion or good-earned grades would be a first). I just seem so lost with what the world has to bring. And that’s what I thought as I walked and waited for a jeep to ride on.
I’m only a person. Nothing more than just a Chemical Engineering student. Or so as I thought.
A few weeks ago, I was in between the verge of shifting or pushing through. And I recalled that I took up the Chemical Engineering program just because of my hatred for math. Yes, you heard that right. I hate math. And I seem to not fit in just because people taking up the same program probably looked so relaxed. Naturally, I just took it up for the name. Chemical Engineering does have a ring to it, doesn’t it? Never knowing that taking it up would actually be a doggone head-grown bump in my head just because I never had the passion for mathematics. And that’s where I’m truly having a hard time. Curiosity sometimes is a threat to humans.
People back in high school thought that I would take up Filmography, Computer Science, Journalism, or Fine Arts. People in college right now thought so to. Yes, I wasn’t in for the maths anyway. I even shun the idea of taking it up just for fun when I realized that it wasn’t exactly fun at all. I partly excel in my chemistry though, but the maths that are more than majors, nah. My discernment wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be in reality. Well, expectations and reality do not exactly become analogies all the time, do they?
And I recalled. Back when I was applying for colleges in high school, I was dismayed for I wasn’t able to enter the University of the Philippines with Computer Science as my chosen program. I called, emailed, and went there. But no one did entertain me for it. So there goes my CS dreams. And I tried to proceed with my second choice, Chemical Engineering.
My mother thought it would suit me. To be practically honest, I don’t actually feel it. Straightforwardly speaking. I admired the name of the program but then and there I thought, what am I doing? But my conscience told me, why shouldn’t I go with it? During the interviews for the said program, applicants from different schools were on the honor roll. I felt like I don’t belong during that time. Whoa, I merely graduated with only a diploma. But then, I thought, why shouldn’t I just roll with it?
Typically, even if this was staged, it’s not my choice. Nor is it my mom’s. It’s God’s.
And realizing why I should just go with the flow? It’s His choice, not mine. Chemical Engineering wasn’t my priority at all, but then again, it’s His choice. Not mine.
I arrived school earlier than my intended class but decided not to attend. I was too pessimistic about my midterm exam grade in Calculus. But in the end, I passed. An answered prayer indeed (I actually asked for a sign – if it would rain on my way to school, I would fail. And the other way around).
Surely, everything I’m doing right now is not on my own free will. Well partly it would be. However, everything is set according to plan. And I think I am the missing ingredient. What choice do I have anyway?. I should do what He asks me to do because I don’t take control of my interests.
Pushing all the pressure and expectation aside, I know that I am in this program for a purpose. Where failing is not an option in God’s eyes. I feel the need to push through and my mind not on what is ideal for man but ideal for Him.
As I walked along, I’m sure God would bless the broken road that I am strolling along.
At the end of the day, I’m another day older. But another day stronger. And another day more faithful.