I can’t put my thoughts into words right now.

After seeing those indirect posts, I didn’t know how to put myself back together. Though there was no name aforementioned in those posts, my memories shift back to high school.

This guy. Most people knew him of his renowned but infamous tactics. I was technically involved in this guy’s life. Probably as someone of his interest.

It started first year. He gave me a rose-colored letter that says “I like you.” I laughed it off though I was heaved by these words. No one appreciated me back in grade school.

Then second year came. He gave me a lot of things from chocolates, to books, and a Girls’ Generation single. He gives out everything that I like. Whoa, this guy’s– creepy. And this was the year where dignity walked away from me after an incident in his homeroom. He gave me a smack that I didn’t need.

Third year. We were friends, yes. Sometimes I felt the need to talk to this person because I felt that I needed someone else. But lo, it was a trap. When I knew that his intention of trying to get me was more of an obsession, I tried my very best to stay away from this person. He tries to contact my phone, enter the classroom where I’m at, and do stuff for me (No chivalry please, thanks). And this was the year I started acting boyish to repel him away from me.

Then was fourth year high school. We barely talk. And it was cool for I get to be with my closest of friends for the last year. I was somehow relieved after graduation for we would finally be in separate schools.

And the story journeyed with me in college. Because I barely get to see that person and contact him less, I was free. I could be who I am.

Boyish. That is what some of my college mates label me now. The foremost reason to why I intend not to involve myself with the romantic kind of love. My thoughts most of the time are video games and shounen anime just to feel that manly in me. I don’t want to feel love for someone of the opposite regard as of this time. Though sometimes, someone tries to involve himself in my life but I know it would be a trap.

But, as the persistent chap that he is, he still tries to get involved.

I don’t know if it would be wrong to shoo him off — telling him to leave me alone. I don’t know if it would be right to just let him be. One of my college friends told me, I shouldn’t complain that much when I’m used to his nuisance. And one also said that I should backfire him with words of insult.

Well that felt a little better after writing these thoughts.

I really don’t know what to do.

I’m confused.


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